This is Poosam or Punarpoosam?

“Manni idha parungo, ivaa Thanjavur aam ” exclaimed my aunt. 

That was the 50th profile I was “seeing” from a possibly endless and boring list of matrimonial profiles on that famous website. Ofcourse the list was South Indian, Brahmin and Iyer  vonly. It was wedding time for my cousin also known as Venkatraman Anantha Krishnan Iyer or Venky as some random maamis call him. 

“Enna di idhu, ponnu mooku konjam KOnala irukku. Thanjavur karal ellam romba paduthal nu solluva, adhukku yetha madhiri ye mushudu madhiri irukku paar indha ponnu” replied manni. 

(Here manni is not equal to anna’s figure, but some random nomenclature where                                    manni issekvalte to my aunt’s mother or my paati, apparently there is a not so interesting flashback to  the word manni)

Manni was a woman who believed her grandchildren were descendants of Indra, Brihaspthi and the like. So she didnt spare a single girl’s profile with her sharp comments when it came to looks.

“Ananthu azhagu ku yetha madhiri paaru, Thirunelveli ah paaru di. Ava konjam thevalai”

“Ammam namma Ambi ki Thirunelveli thaan pathuthu, achu pichu nu antha ponnu ….” (Ambi was my second cousin who married a Nellai girl and was leading an unhappy life or so according to my aunts)

By this time I was desperate to end the search session and I would rather watch a Japenese kolaveri dance video on youtube.

Hey! How am I to be blamed? Its not the greatest of jobs!

By the way I am the official matchmaker in my family, thanks to the computer illiteracy of my aunt and I spent most of my weekends in mailing prospective bride’s parents and “shortlisting” the brides.  Their shortlist rate is 1.8 girls per twenty profiles, the decimal stands for the Jadhagam rechecks.

No offence to the girls: Ananthu was no super star in real life(He looked like Director Bhagyaraj white washed) but in the eyes of a South Indian Brahmin he was Elvis himself. 

Yes youre right Ananthu had an IIT Engineering degree, a Stanford MS and an MIT PhD.

“Oh oh youre cousin is from IIT no?” (in a tone that reminded me of Silk Smitha seduced by Kamal obviously) is one common dialogue I hear from my friends.(girls not gays)

In a way he had the jackpot of a matrimonial profile. He was a consultant and a visiting professor in his Alma mater. He had a 6 fig salary. Plus he was white in color!!! Now aint that a biggie?

I know most girls would talk about something called compatibility and love, but hey MS is compatibility and McKinsey 6 fig salary is true love!

“Chumma edho JanakiRaman college of Engineering le padicha ponna ellam pakkadhe da Karthik”

{Thank God for my BE degree from a decent college lest I get lashed by my CEG bred Chem Engineer Chitthi}

“But Chithi indha ponnu US le MS pannirka le” I protested.

“Tamil Nadu le JanakiRaman College na US le Philchuck University da, unnoda chitthi ku Michigan le MS kadachithu” remarked my chitthi with a sense of pride.”Unga Chithappa thaan athellam padika vendam nu sollita da, therinjiko”

She had a point I thought. Its not long from now where MS becomes the new BE. Everybody will have one. Even MBA is no greater in this aspect. I decided to shut my mouth again.

Yet again I opened my beautiful mouth.

“Periamma indha Coimbatore ponnu Symbiosis MBA. Ponnu slight-ah azhage vera irukka nalla padichurka. Rare combination”

“Porum da Karthik, adhiga presangi madhiri pesadhe! Unnaku ponnu pakkum bothu nee pesu”

Then I decided to remain silent( yet again 😦  ) and thereby not irritate my 2 aunts, one paati and one amma.

After 1 hr of extensive passive searching, we narrowed down to 4 profiles.

Now my periamma took an A4 with Aswini, Bharani, Moolam leading the “star compatibility list”.

“Indha Ramya Radhakrishnan Bharani natchathram di, porundhum le?.”

“Ei Usha, ivalukku chevvai dosham irukku di, epdi paaka marandhe?” exclaimed my paati or “manni”.

Ramya Radhakrishnan Reject

{So much for the scientific rationality for that Doctorate in Philosophy: my mind voice} 

But sadly my amma caught my mind voice.

“Idhellam scientific ah prove pannirka da, Chevvai doshatha paathi Shankara Tv le sonna.Indha vishiyam ellam engale madhiri periyaval ku thaan da theriyum, peshama iru”

{Ah! The sadness, how do these ladies do it:my mind voice}

“Atthan da amma, avaloda pasanga enna nenaikaral nu correct ah theriyum” Manni retorted and also added “Indha Shreya oda appa nalamangudi di, ive othu varuva nu thonardhu” .

{Thats freaking me out so I better shut up: mind voice}

“Nalamangudi nu uchi kularra paaru manni. Ellam seri aana indha ponnu social drinker nu potruka, apdina neraya kudipa polla irukke”

Shreya Reject

{Ammam Ananthu mattum enna AAVIN milk ah kudipan? Avan FB profile picture eh handula glass oda thaan pose: my mind voice } 

My Chitthi started “Appo indha Shruti, no chevvai dosham no social drinker. Btech CEG, MS GeorgiaTech. Enna sollrel” 

“Nalla choice di Lalitha, Shruti best choice” amma followed.

“Natchathram poosam thaane?” manni asked.

Chitthi:”Aiyo manni, Poosam thaan.Porunthum!” 

Manni:”Ashadu Poonar Poosam thaan di porunthum nalla paaru anda paapera”

Usha:”Ammam di Lally, Manni correct ah thaan sollra”

Shruti Reject

Final ponnu Shweta Iyer.

After a few minutes of cross examining all the ladies in the drawing room were happy and my aunts were about to leave the house after zeroing in on Shweta Iyer.  

“Periamma Aana indha..”

Karthik enna sonnen un kitta, chumma iru.

“Chitthi indha vishiyatha paathe la…” 

Karthik evalo vatti sollradhu, periyava peshum bodhu..

“Paati aana…”

Manni:”Yen di kozhandaiya veyyare, nee kelu da. Enna aachu”

Indha ponnu Sagothram aache. Avalum Kaushika, nammalum Kaushika. 

“Idha epdi paakama vittom, Karthima next week vechukalam indha session eh unga periappa vum iruppa”

{Boys idhu peru thaan sondha selavule sooniyam vechukardhu anyway I had gotten used to Poosams and Punarpoosams. A lesson to learn: Mummy Dadday I want love marriage Wilbur Sargunaraj Raaks}